


First Sorrow

by marygriggs



Category: CSI: Crime Scene Investigation
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-19
Updated: 2012-07-19
Packaged: 2017-11-10 07:31:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,701
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/463764
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/marygriggs/pseuds/marygriggs
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Catherine learns something new about Sara’s past and it changes their relationship.</p>
            </blockquote>





	First Sorrow

“The death of a mother is the first sorrow wept without her.”

 

Catherine played the beam of her flashlight across the wrecked kitchen. Bags of flour and boxes of cereal had been opened and the contents flung everywhere. The refrigerator door was open and most of the liquid contents were on the floor in a disgusting mess. She glanced up at the CSI that she had been paired with for the night. “You take this room and I’ll start in the bedroom,” she stated. Lowering her voice, so the uniformed officer couldn’t hear, she added, “Please.”

Checking her instinctive reaction to being given an order at the quiet word, Sara cocked her head and studied the older woman. Lately, she had noticed that their forced truce had started to become something more. Their conversations were more respectful and friendlier.

Wrinkling her nose, Sara looked at the mess and nodded. “Fine but you owe me.” She glanced up quickly to make sure that Catherine knew she was joking.

Her smile broadened when Sara agreed without a fuss, Catherine answered, “Play nice and you’ll earn a very nice reward.” She winked and nearly laughed when Sara blushed. It made her very happy that the two of them were able to flirt harmlessly. 

“What are you going to…” Sara’s phone rang, interrupting her question. “Sidle,” she answered, putting her case down on the floor. Straightening up, she listened intently for a few seconds before snarling into the phone, “I don’t give a shit.” Snapping it closed, she shrugged at Catherine’s raised eyebrow. “Wrong number.”

“Right.” If the younger woman didn’t want to talk, that was fine as long as she didn’t go taking out her bad mood on the rest of the team. “I’ll go get started…”

She paused when Sara’s phone rang again. Raising an eyebrow, she waited for Sara to answer it.

With a sigh, Sara did. “Sidle.” Her knuckles whitened as her grip on the phone tightened. “Leave me the hell alone,” she hissed into the receiver. Lowering her phone, she turned it off with a stab of her index finger and slid it into her pocket.

“Are you okay?”

“Fine,” Sara snapped. Wincing at the hurt in Catherine’s eyes, she mumbled, “I’m sorry.”

Catherine shrugged, not trusting herself to speak. It never failed that when they took one step forward, they ended up taking two back.

Not wanting to explain the calls, Sara turned her attention to the kitchen and collecting all the evidence left behind. She sighed when Catherine turned and left the room. Sara hoped that her retort hadn’t hurt their nascent friendship. 

Both of them were too professional to let their feelings affect their work. In no time, they were both engrossed in their assigned tasks. The two of them processed the house in short order. When the last item had been tagged and bagged, they loaded the Denali for the trip to the lab.

On the ride back, Sara turned her phone back on and listened to her voicemail. It was so quiet in the vehicle that Catherine heard the beginning of one message. “Miss Sidle, this is Deputy Warden…”

Sara growled and deleted that and two further messages. Banging her head into the seatback, she was startled when Catherine spoke.

“If you want to talk about it, I’m here.”

Holding tight to her temper, Sara bit back her first response. She took a couple of cleansing breaths and said, “Thanks but no thanks. It’s nothing.” After a sidelong look from the driver, she added, “Really.”

“All right. I won’t push but the offer still stands.”

“Why?” Sara asked in a whisper.

“What?”

“Why are you being so nice? I haven’t been anything but mean to you.”

“I think on Day One we got off on the wrong foot.” Catherine held up a hand to forestall debate. “I’m just as much to blame as you and, for that, I’m sorry. Lately, we’ve begun to forge a real friendship and I don’t want to lose that.”

“I don’t either. I’m sorry I’m being such a bitch.”

“You’re allowed an off day. Just try not to take it out on innocent bystanders.”

Flushing, Sara tugged at a loose thread on her pants. “Sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry. Just do better.”

“I will.” Sara reached out and touched Catherine’s arm. “I promise.”

“Good. I’m going to hold you to it.”

The two women made the rest of journey back to the lab in companionable silence. After unloading the SUV, they quickly distributed their evidence to the various departments for analysis. In common consensus, they met back in the break room to share a cup of coffee.

They were laughing at Catherine’s story about Lindsey’s latest study avoiding antics when Grissom walked by. Just peeking his head inside, he barked, “Sara, I need to see you in my office.”

“Why?”

“My office. Now.”

Slamming down her coffee mug, she followed him down the corridor. She dropped into the chair in front of his desk and watched him fiddle with the piles of folders and files on his desk. Finally, she asked, “You wanted to see me?”

“I got a call from the California Department of Corrections.”

She crossed her arms over her chest. “Why are they calling you?”

“Perhaps because you haven’t been answering your phone.”

“I answered. I also told them to leave me alone.”

“You should have listened to them.”

“There is nothing they could say that I want to hear.”

“Your mother is dying.”

“Wrong. She died years ago.”

“Sara, I understand your issues…”

“Don’t even try, Gil. You have no idea.” Sara jumped to her feet and stood in front of his desk with her fists clenched. “I’m sorry I ever confided in you.”

“Sara, I’m not breaking a confidence here. They contacted me.”

“My mother is none of your business.”

“Unfortunately, it is. They made it my business when they called me.” Gil pulled off his glasses and polished them vigorously. Settling them back on his face, he said, “The reason they called me was that your mother has information about gang and drug activity in the prison and is willing to give it to them if they bring you to meet with her.”

“What? You can’t be serious!”

“I am.”

“That’s blackmail.”

“Don’t take it personally, Sara. This is a matter of justice and there isn’t much time.”

“Are you saying that my feelings don’t matter?”

“Frankly, no.” Clasping his hands together, he leaned across his desk. “Here is an opportunity to do something about illegal activities in one of the largest women’s prison in the nation.”

“I don’t care.”

He frowned at her. “I was able to make a deal with them.”

“What sort of deal?”

“They will pay to fly you out and give you a per diem.” He smiled at her. “Look at it this way. You’ll have an expense paid vacation.”

“Yeah, Chowchilla is just known as a tourist hotspot,” Sara sarcastically remarked.

“Be that as it may.” Grissom held out a couple of sheets of paper. “I’ve assigned you to temporary duty and made your travel arrangements. Your flight leaves in three hours and you have an appointment with the Warden first thing tomorrow morning.”

“I don’t want to take a vacation. I’m in the middle of a case.”

“Catherine can handle it for the next few days.” He held up his hand. “I don’t want to hear anything more about this. You’re going and that’s final.”

Near tears, Sara snatched the papers and stormed out of Gil’s office. In her headlong dash, she nearly ran down Greg and Catherine. Not even bothering to apologize, she kept going down the hallway toward the front entrance.

“Any idea what that’s about?” asked Greg.

“No but I’m going to find out.” Catherine rapped on Grissom’s doorframe and stepped inside, “Gil, what did I tell you about playing with that girl’s feelings?”

“What?”

“I just saw Sara tear out of her and she looked ready to cry.”

“I didn’t do anything.”

“Sure and I’m going to win Mother of the Year.”

“No, you’ve got it wrong. See, I’ve sent her on vacation.”

“Vacation?” Catherine looked at Grissom like he had grown a second head. “Okay, that is wrong on so many levels. One, she doesn’t take time off. Two, we just caught a case. Three, that was not the face of someone who is happy to be taking a break. Four…”

“Enough, already.”

“Tell me what’s going on?”

“It is a working vacation.”

“Working? Where did you send her?”

“Madera County, California.” 

“What the hell is there?”

“I’m not at liberty to discuss that.”

“I’m a shift supervisor, Gil. If you’ve sent her to work somewhere other than on my case, I have a right to know.”

Grissom sighed. “This goes no further.” He waited for Catherine’s nod. “She’s going to the Women’s Prison to assist them with an information transfer.”

“What?” Catherine put her hands on her hips. “Try that again in English.”

“A prisoner there is willing to divulge certain information but only to Sara.”

“That’s strange. I don’t recall her working on any cases in California. Who is it?”

“Her mother.”

“Excuse me? Her mom is a convict?”

“Yes. She’s been incarcerated for over a quarter century.”

“For what?”

Grissom shook his head. “You should really be asking these questions of her.”

“She’s not going to tell me.”

“I thought the two of you were getting along.”

“We are but we’re not that close.”

“Then, how do you think she’s going to feel if she learns that you know it anyway?”

Catherine cocked her head. “I think she’s going to be more mad at you than me.”

“Yet another reason for you to learn it directly from her.” He held up his hand. “I’m not going to tell you any more, so don’t bother asking. Now, if you are so swamped with work without Sara, you should go and get busy.”

Studying him for a moment to gauge his seriousness, Catherine finally nodded. “Okay. I’ll go. Just tell me when to expect her back.”

“Baring any difficulties, she should be flying back in on Saturday afternoon.”

“Do you have her flight info?”

“Yes, why?”

“Email them to me.”

“If I agree to do so, will you leave me alone?”

“Of course,” Catherine agreed.

“Done.”

Catherine left his office and went to her own. While she waited for the email to arrive, she thought about what she should do about her new insight into her coworker. Not knowing exactly what Sara’s mother had been convicted of was causing her head to spin with worst-case scenarios.

Chewing on her lip, she decided to access the LexisNexis website. In no time at all, she was floating the mouse pointer over a citation for California v Sidle. Just as she was about to click, she lifted her eyes and caught a look of her face in the mirror hanging on the back of her door.

Starring at herself for a few minutes, she shook her head and closed the browser window. She would wait and let Sara tell her the story. Sara deserved that much from her.

Checking her email, she printed out the younger woman’s itinerary and glanced over it. She had three days to plan some way to welcome Sara back. Sliding it into her planner, she turned her attention to her opened cases.

 

###

 

It was Saturday afternoon and the plane was filled to capacity. Sara gritted her teeth to keep from yelling at all the people that were between her and the door. Rolling her shoulders when she finally got off the plane, she walked through the McCarran airport to baggage claim. She kept her eyes on the toes of her boots as she waded through the crowds. 

More than anything, she just wanted to get home and lock the door to keep out the rest of the world. From the prison to the airport, the constant crush of humanity was starting to wear on her last nerve. 

Or was it her second to last nerve, Sara mused. She had to give her mother her due—the woman had done everything in her power to tug on her heartstrings. If she didn’t feel so angry, she would have felt pleased for holding fast to her pledge to never forget, never forgive.

A slender body slammed into her and she grumbled as she tried to move around the human obstruction.

“Sara!”

Blinking, Sara focused on the youngster clutching her waist. “Lindsey? Um, hey. What are you doing here?” Sara looked around. “Where’s your mother?”

“We’re here to pick you up.”

“What?”

Lindsey released her and took a step back. “Mom’s over there. Come on, she promised to take us to get sundaes once we got you.”

“Sundaes? Pick me up?” Sara was entirely confused.

“Yeah, come on.” Lindsey tugged on her hand toward the escalator.

Trying not to grimace at the additional complication to her day, Sara allowed herself to be led downstairs. She couldn’t help but smile at the bashful look on Catherine’s face.

“I hope you’re not too mad.”

“I’m not.” Sara shrugged. “I’m a little confused, though. How did you know where to find me?”

“I browbeat Gil until he coughed up the info.” When Sara paled at her words, Catherine moved closer to her and lowered her voice. “Just on where you were going and when you would be back.” She kept her eyes on Sara’s. “Anything else is yours to tell. Okay?”

Slowly, Sara let out the breath she was holding when she thought that Catherine knew her darkest secret. Her smile was weak but she nodded. “Okay.”

“Do you have any checked baggage?”

“Just a box of her personal effects.”

“All right. Let’s go get it and get out of here.” Catherine hooked her arm around the arm that Lindsey wasn’t clinging to. “Onwards.”

Sara let herself be pulled to the carousel. “So, I’m being kidnapped? What are you planning to do with me?”

Instead of answering that, Catherine asked her own question. “When did you last eat?”

Stumbling a little as she tried to remember, Sara shrugged.

“Okay, if it was that long ago, you obviously need to eat again.” Catherine smiled in satisfaction. “I know this great diner that serves vegetarian.”

“That would be nice.” Now that she thought about it, Sara realized she was hungry. She also knew that there was little to nothing to eat in her apartment.

Picking up the box of her mother’s possessions, she carried it out to Catherine’s car. She sat in the passenger seat and watched as the older woman bantered with her daughter and deftly steered the vehicle through the weekend traffic. Sara found herself starring at Catherine’s hands and let her mind imagine them holding something other than a steering wheel.

Blinking suddenly when those fingers snapped inches from her nose, Sara said, “What?”

“We’re here.”

“Oh,” she answered. She was feeling foggy from not having slept for the past several days. 

The small group settled onto the vinyl seats. Catherine looked across the table at Sara whose dark head was bent over the menu. She could tell how tired Sara was and was pretty amazed that she was so polite about being hijacked.

Throughout the meal, the three of them found plenty to laugh about. Catherine was glad that she had allowed Sara and Lindsey to connect after Eddie’s death. No matter how angry she had been at the decision to close the case, Catherine always knew that Sara had a way of connecting with her occasionally fractious daughter.

She wondered now if Sara’s empathy toward Lindsey had a deeper depth than she ever suspected. Smiling across the table when Sara looked up from her eggplant Parmesan, Catherine asked, “You like it?”

“Yeah. It’s delicious.” Sara smacked her lips. “This is excellent. How did you find this place?”

“I asked the cops when I first started at the lab. They know the best places to eat for every hour of the day.”

“They’re right. Thank you.”

“Its my pleasure. I’ll have to show you some of the other places.”

“I’d like that.” Sara blushed. “I’d like that a lot.” She realized how true it was and hoped that this sort of friendly get together would become a regular thing. 

“Can we get ice cream now?”

Catherine turned a dazzling smile onto her daughter. “Sure, sweetheart. What do you want?”

“I want a black and tan.”

“And you, Sara, what do you want?”

“A banana split.”

“An oldie but a goodie.”

Catherine placed their orders and sat back to watch the joy on both her girls’ faces when their desserts arrived. For the first time since they had picked up Sara up from the airport, there was color in her face.

All too soon there was a clatter of spoons in empty dishes. “Everyone done?” Catherine asked. At the collective nods, she grabbed the receipt and headed to the cashier.

“Hey, I want to pay my share.”

“No, kidnap victims aren’t expected to pay.”

“You don’t have to.”

Catherine turned to look at the younger woman. “I know I don’t have to. I want to.”

“Okay but this means I’m taking you guys out sometime.”

“Good. That would be lovely.”

Piling back into the car, Sara rubbed at her eyes. With her belly full, she was hard pressed to stay awake. 

“Just lean back and relax. I need to drop Lindsey off at her classmates for her sleep over and then I’ll take you home.”

Sara was too tired to argue. Pulling back the lever, she laid the seat back a little and closed her eyes.

“Wake up, sleepyhead.”

“Huh?”

“We’ve arrived.”

“Okay.” Groggily, Sara struggled with her seatbelt and nearly took a header to the sidewalk as her car door suddenly opened. “Whoa.”

“Sorry, sweetie. Let me help you.” Catherine assisted Sara to stand and slid an arm around her back. “Come on. We’re nearly there.”

The two women stumbled up the stairs to Sara’s apartment. Fumbling with her keys, Sara let them in to the quiet space. “Sorry it’s a mess. I didn’t have a chance to clean before I left.”

“No problem. You forget I live with a pre-teen. This place is pristine compared to my house.”

Sara yawned so widely that her jaw creaked.

“You need a shower and a nap.”

“Are you saying I stink?” Sara giggled. She was getting punchy from exhaustion.

“I know I feel better when I get clean after being trapped on airplanes with God knows what germs.”

“I’m too tired.”

“Let me help.” Catherine smiled at the shocked look on Sara’s face. “You might crack your skull open if I don’t get in there to hold you up.”

“Let me get this straight. You want to take a shower with me?”

“Not straight. Never that.”

For a moment, Sara just stood there with her mouth open. “But…but you were married. You have a kid.”

“I also have a great appreciation of the female form in general and yours in particular.” Catherine stepped forward and put her arms around the younger investigator. “I’ve been admiring you from afar for a while now. I don’t mean to pressure you into anything but I do want to talk to you about taking things to the next level.”

“Level?”

“Yeah. I want to get to know you better.”

“You want to start that by getting naked with me now?”

“Believe me when I tell you that it hadn’t been my plan when I first came up with the scheme to fetch you home from the airport.” She brushed the bangs out of Sara’s eyes. “But I do mean it when I say you’re too tired to do this on your own. I am offering my aid.”

The two women stared deep into each other’s eyes for a few moments. Time seemed to slow as Sara weighed her options.

Without another word, Sara turned and led the way to the bathroom. She stood compliant while Catherine stripped her of her clothes. Raising her head, she tried not to stare as Catherine took off her own clothes and turned on the faucet.

Catherine got in first and adjusted the spray. “Come here, babe.” She held out a slender hand and directed Sara to stand with her under the stream of warm water. “Turn around.”

Obediently, Sara turned her back to the pulsing jets. Bending her head, she let the water hit her tight neck muscles as Catherine poured some shampoo into her palm and began to lather her hair.

Soon, the scalp massage was drawing groans and then purrs from deep in her chest. Sarah tipped her head back to rinse and when she opened her eyes to look at Catherine, her breath caught in her throat.

Raising her arms, Sara placed her hands on Catherine’s shoulders and kissed her. The first touch of their lips opened the floodgates. Sara pressed the blonde against the tiled wall and deepened the kiss.

The combination of warm skin, hot water, steam and the cold walls fired up Catherine’s long suppressed feelings and she pulled Sara closer to her. Their kisses were passionate and almost desperate. She closed her eyes to savor the sensation of skin on skin and let her fingers dance over Sara’s body.

“Oh, God. I want more,” Sara panted. Peering at Catherine through the steam, she begged, “Please.” 

Sara struggled to stay upright as Catherine’s lips left hers and began to work their way down her body. Shivering as her sensitive neck was bitten, she moaned out loud when Catherine reached her breasts.

Taking her time, Catherine focused on covering the soft flesh with light kisses and gentle bites. She loved the way Sara’s body reacted to the different pressures and movements and filled them all away for later reference. Deciding that she needed a taste of Sara, she trailed kisses down the toned stomach.

Unsure that she could stay on her feet when Catherine started to lower herself to her knees, Sara growled, “Bed, now.”

Never losing contact with each other, they left the bathroom and made a dripping path to the bedroom. Falling onto the comforter, they continued to kiss and fondle each other. 

As Sara seemed to be willing to let her take the lead, Catherine rolled the other woman onto her back. She held herself above Sara, using her lips to explore Sara’s body. She smiled when her light touch rippled the toned stomach. Finally settling between Sara’s legs, Catherine paused to breathe in the essence of her younger lover. 

“Oh, God,” Sara cried out and snapped her head backwards. She gasped as Catherine kissed her mound and entered her in a smooth motion. The feelings were intense, especially when she lifted her head to watch the blonde head moving between her thighs. Whimpering, Sara asked for more. “Please, Cath.”

“Don’t worry, baby. I’m here with you.” Catherine withdrew her finger and pushed back in with two, marveling at the slick heat of Sara’s inner walls. With a moan of her own, she began running her tongue along Sara’s labia and over her erect clit. 

Before she could really lose herself in the experience, Sara’s entire body stiffened. With a moan, the younger woman climaxed under the skillful manipulation of Catherine’s mouth and hands.

For a few moments, Sara lay boneless. She closed her eyes and fought to calm her racing pulse. She smiled when the bed dipped next to her. Turning her head, she looked over into Catherine’s beautiful eyes. “Damn, I don’t think I’ve ever come so fast.”

Catherine was hard pressed to keep the smug look off her face. “Well, you know what they say about age and experience…”

She squeaked in surprise when Sara rolled suddenly and climbed on top of her. Sara kissed her roughly, almost desperately. When Sara grabbed her wrists and held her arms over her head, Catherine struggled to toss Sara off.

“Please, give me this,” Sara murmured before her tongue invaded Catherine’s mouth. 

Catherine relaxed at the request. Sensing that Sara needed the control right then, she allowed herself to melt into the kiss. Giving up her control, Catherine surrendered to someone for one of the few times in her life.

Feeling Catherine become compliant beneath her nearly overloaded Sara’s brain. She whimpered with need and kissed Catherine deeply. God, she wanted more. Releasing the other woman's wrists, she pulled back. “Keep your hands up there or I’ll stop.”

“Your wish is my command.”

Sara smirked. “You say that now but I expect you to obey when I’m rocking your world.”

“Someone’s feeling a little cocky.”

“And you weren’t laying there all self-satisfied and everything?”

“I had cause.”

“Well, I’m about to give you an effect to go with that cause.” Leaning her head back down, she kissed Catherine on the lips. She put all of her passion and intensity into the kiss and then moved down Catherine’s body.

Biting Catherine on her inner thigh, Sara grinned at the aggrieved yelp. Laving the area with her tongue, she turned her head and parted Catherine’s damp folds with gentle movements. She marveled at the taste and pressed closer to rub her cheeks and chin in the fragrant juices.

For a while she teased Catherine with touches that just circled over her most sensitive places. When Catherine finally begged for more, Sara focused on the small bundle of nerves and quickly brought her to the edge.

Sara had to hold tightly to Catherine’s bucking hips. Her lover’s body was shaking out of control and Sara rode the wave of her climax. In satisfaction she heard Catherine scream out and a creak from the headboard that let her know that Catherine had tightened her grip.

Smiling, she kept stroking Catherine’s clit with her tongue and thrust three fingers back into her spasmming pussy. Keeping the pressure going, Sara focused on sending Catherine into another orgasm.

Suddenly, a sharp pain on her ear made her pull her mouth away from her new favorite place. “Ow!” she exclaimed.

Catherine petted the place she had pinched. “Enough, lover. Any more and you’ll kill me.”

“I wouldn’t want that. I’m having far too much fun.”

“You need to give me a moment or two to catch my breath. Why don’t you come up here and cuddle for a bit?”

Sara crawled up and kissed Catherine before moving beside her on the bed. Curling up into Catherine’s arms, Sara felt completely safe for the first time in memory. She enjoyed the moment and relaxed as Catherine began to run her fingers through her hair.

Resting her head so she could hear the steady beat of the older woman’s heart, she cleared her throat and began to speak. “I was thirteen years old when my mother killed my father.”

The hand combing her hair never faltered through the long narration. When she finished speaking, she felt the touch of Catherine’s lips in her hair.

“Thank you for telling me.”

“Well, I thought you ought to know.”

“I know that it must have been very hard for you tell me and incredibly scary for you to go through all that.” Catherine’s voice was husky with emotion. “I’m so proud of the woman you’ve become because of it.”

“You are?”

“Yes. You are amazing.”

At the words, Sara could feel her heart soaring. She had finally trusted someone with her dark past and her heart and she hadn’t faced the judgment she feared. Gratified by Catherine’s acceptance and understanding, Sara whispered, “Thank you.”

“You are most welcome. Why don’t you try and get some sleep. I’ll be right here when you wake up.”

Drifting off, Sara murmured, “You know that I could easily fall in love in with you?”

“I hope so. I wouldn’t want to be the only one with that problem.” Catherine squeezed her tightly. “You already mean a great deal to me, Sara. It is my great hope that we can build a future together.”

“I’d like that.” Sara kissed the available skin and smiled at Catherine’s shiver. “I would like that a lot.”


End file.
